The Woods Decay
by Nickket
Summary: Jesus Christ Superstar fic. Judas visits Jesus in his cell. *slashy - read at own risk*


Title: Untitled  
  
Rating: PG-13ish. I think.  
  
Pairing: Judas Iscariot/Jesus Christ  
  
Notes/Disclaimers: Although this fic is based on the characters in Jesus Christ Superstar more than in a historical bibley context, if you're very religious, it's best that you probably don't read this story.  
  
Also, its very angsty, and depressing and dark. So read at own discretion. It's also quite over the top, dramatically at times, but if you've sen JCS at all you will probably understand why. Or you might not. Yeah, whatever.  
  
The woods decay, the woods decay and fall,  
  
The vapours weep their burthen to the ground,  
  
Man comes and tills the field and lies beneath,  
  
And after many a summer dies the swan.  
  
Me only cruel immortality consumes.  
  
- Tennyson. (Tithonus)  
  
My heart is beating violently. Unrelentingly. It's a constant hammering that shakes my whole body. Nightmares. But not real nightmares because I am awake. I live the worst of dreams. If they were nightmares the blood would not remain. I could not feel the weight upon my chest.  
  
Sleep will not come for me again.  
  
The sweat gathers on my face. My hands reach out for him and touch nothing but cold air. I'm alone.  
  
It is night now. A beautiful clear blue night. The stars shine their ethereal light over the stone formations at my feet. Mocking in its absolute beauty because I will know no blacker night than this.  
  
It doesn't take me long to get there. My steps are quick and nervous. I make my way through the endless halls. The faceless guards pay me little attention, for they know who I am. The betrayer. They see the blood on me too. They see the guilt. But they will not look me in the eye. Oh no, no one will taste damnation so readily.  
  
I hear him before I see him. Muttered prayers fly through the night air and hit my ears like soft cotton. Warming me inside. I close my eyes and listen to his whispering, wishing perhaps, that I could stay like this for all eternity. Before I can stop myself a derisive sneer comes bitterly from my mouth. Eternity knows no place for me now.  
  
He is silent and I know he hears me. A dry panic engulfs my body, and I feel as though I should run, get as far away from him as I possibly can, hide away till it is all over, but I don't. I couldn't leave him.  
  
And then he says my name.  
  
"Judas"  
  
I do not move immediately, the tremors running through me will not allow it. I keep my eyes bowed when I pass the guard at the door so I don't have to see the scorn in his eyes. The gate clangs behind me too loudly. I try to unclench my hands. I try to keep myself relaxed, so he won't know that I care, and I raise my eyes to him.  
  
The shock sears through me like hot metal. Pain. Air leaving my lungs as if from a sharp blow.  
  
My god, oh god.  
  
He sits a little way away from me, curled in a ball. Beaten. Bruises pepper his body. His hair is matted and dried blood cakes the side of his face like some macabre painting. But it is not this that is the worst, oh no, his eyes. His eyes are tired, scared, and vulnerable. Like a child mistakenly caught under the blade of a madman. He is broken.  
  
He looks at me placidly through the darkness, waiting for me to speak. He holds no apparent judgment even for the friend who betrayed him to his death. He looks only fragile. It turns my stomach and I crumble, gasping for air and falling to my knees.  
  
"Judas"  
  
My name again. This time it is he who moves. The pain is evident in his face, and he walks slowly and unsteadily like one many years aged. His feet are bruised and torn. He kneels also, so that he is facing me. I look back at him, the tears falling down my face in endless streams. The sobs catching in my throat.  
  
He looks back at me sadly, not knowing the words; instead he pulls me into his embrace. His arms are surprisingly strong and he holds me close, warming me, comforting me as I weep against his neck. For him. For what I have done to him.  
  
Abruptly I pull away from him and he elicits a small plaintive cry. Looking at me for why. Expecting my intolerance. I rub at my eyes furiously, and then take his hand. He smiles and squeezes my hand tenderly, not seeing my reasons. But I know what must be done.  
  
"Come away with me" I whisper quickly "Let me take you away"  
  
A sigh. His face registers a look I don't understand.  
  
"No, you cannot"  
  
I continue in vain anyway "I have a knife, we can get past the guards easily, please, let us go now!"  
  
He shakes his head emphatically now; his breathing ragged "No."  
  
Resentment crawls under my skin, and I drop his hand roughly.  
  
"Why?!" I am yelling, but I don't care "You want this? You want to die?!"  
  
He cringes under my glare, and when he speaks his voice quavers "I don't want to die" he looks back at me defiantly, but his eyes are scared, and I wilt. I fall again at his feet.  
  
"Then why?!" I don't even bother to wipe away the tears this time "WHY?"  
  
He cups my face in his hands. His skin is balmy silk against my cheeks.  
  
"What words could I give to comfort you?" It is a genuine question. All he can think about is my respite. His eyes lock with mine, and he tries to smile in a reassuring manner, but it only serves to make the pain worse. I try to breathe but my chest heaves laboriously. I look back at those uncertain blue eyes. Unable to find the words. To say I'm sorry, to say goodbye, to say...anything. He opens his mouth to speak, but changes his mind and pulls me to him, placing a kiss on my forehead.  
  
"It will be alright" he says softly, his warm breath is on my face. It's soothing, familiar, wonderful. With little forethought I lean forward and kiss him hard, taking his lips in my own. He stiffens, surprised, and pulls away sharply, his eyes asking a question I cannot answer. I do not know. I run my hand over the thick stubble on his face, watching his indecision I slowly pull him back to me. This time he does not pull away, his kisses are avid, his lips are hot, burning my own. I deepen the kiss. Take the heat of his mouth completely and I am lost in the feverish warmth. Electricity courses through me, I feel his love, his pain, his hope. His passion moves me.  
  
I feel him.  
  
He pulls away suddenly and the warmth leaves me immediately. I want to scream from the pain it elicits.  
  
"Go now" he says, his voice barely a whisper "You must go"  
  
He cannot look at me and I feel myself shaking. I move to him and place my hand under his chin, lifting his face to mine. And when he looks up at me I see the glistening of tears, the pain which I have seemingly multiplied. His eyes are desperate.  
  
"Please come away with me," I am pleading with him, begging him "Let me save you"  
  
He is silent for a moment, and his mistake fills me with hope.  
  
But then I see the slight shake of his head. A lone tear falls down his pale, delicate face.  
  
"No" he says again, his voice flat.  
  
I pull my hands away from him as though burned. Anger blinds me. Frustration. Helplessness. I choke on the sobs wracking my body as I pace.  
  
I turn swiftly in my fury and seize him by his tattered hair, pulling him upward, till he yells out in pain and his face is level with mine. His gasping breaths echo around the stone walls and in my ears.  
  
"You have murdered me"  
  
My words are venomous. I see his face crumple in anguish before I release my grip and he falls, but I am out of the cell and far away before I he hits the ground.  
  
"Judas..."  
  
I am all alone again. The cold bites at my skin and touches my bones.  
  
And I will not sleep tonight. 


End file.
